Today, I woke up with a not so good disposition. I woke up from a stormy and drowning dream. Struggling to ride the waves and swim through the floods of emotions.
I’m not sure what this new morning is trying to teach me. I’m not sure what is the purpose of a new day. My state is chaotic and vague. Love rains to people and the storm of life pours in me. So, I’m trying my best to endure the tyranny and pain of the bad weather. Hoping that one day, the weather will be fine.
As I struggle keeping myself from drowning. I remember how good the Lord is. So, stretched my hands to heaven. Asking for His grace and providence. I need help, Lord.
I implore your help, my good God.
Despite my struggles, I’m still alive. Maneuvering in life and being lead by the Holy Spirit because God knows I can’t face this world alone.
Worrying bugs the mind. It results to fear if we’re thinking too much about the future.
I’m a worrier and a warrior. I’ve been fighting different battles for so long. My armor and sword protects me for so long. I rely to my own skills and strengths.
One day, I realized that I’m fighting an endless battle. I’m battling with my worries and fighting for my future. I feel restless knowing that I can’t visualize my future clearly. I’m compromising the present to have a promising future. But, my worries and fears get the best in me. The future seems bleak and I’m lost. I forgot to live. I forgot to breathe and be alive.
I forgot to seek help from God. I rely too much on myself. I did not allow the Lord to have a space for His blessings and miracles. I’m such a fool for believing that all my strengths and skills are from me. The truth is, it all came from the Lord. God provides me with all the my needs. He blesses me with beautiful story. I just fail to acknowledge that everything is all because of Him. Without His grace I am nothing.
So, I seek for His help again. I ask for His providence. I surrender my sorrows and worries to Him.
When I allow myself to be vulnerable and acknowledge my smallness, I realize that there’s plenty of miracles and blessings that the Lord is saving for me. All of it will be unfold in His time. He is always true to His promise. He will never ever forsake us.
I thank the Lord for His endless patience and eternal love for us.
I know that most of the time, it is difficult to praise Him when we’re in the midst of suffering and trial. Instead it is easier to lament and ask God why He is allowing us to suffer. However, in this trying times, it is crucial to cry for help to the Lord. More reason to make our faith steadfast.
In our waiting period, it is necessary to trust the Lord more.
The Lord is preparing and writing our beautiful stories.
With all the noise of this world and norms in our society, I want to pause and listen to myself.
I want to delve deep within me to connect with my core. Exploring the depths of my being because I don’t want to get lost anymore. I just want to be myself. Be the person that I’m meant and suppose to be.
I want to have clear understanding of myself. Of course, I will not fully grasp my being but I want to live in alignment with my core. Lead a life that I’m peaceful with my choices and grateful in everyday little miracles. Miracles from heaven.
I want to connect with my being because I don’t want to live a life with clouded vision anymore . I want to have a clear eyes that perceive beauty and challenges as an opportunity to grow. I want to be conscious and be present with my current experience.
That even if I find out that I’m actually not cut for my dreams, I’ll be able to accept it. So, I can reconstruct and recreate a new dreams that is patterned with my blue print.
I pray that whatever and wherever this life brings me, I will always be true to myself. I will always be my own person.
I’ve always thought that I’m better of alone. They say that we should be enough for ourselves. That we must learn to be happy on our own and find happiness within.
I believe that I can be happy with my own world. Establishing my self-love and being fine on my own.
I thought that I’m too broken to love another soul. But, I’m not broken enough not to fill my heart with new love and beautiful light. I’m healing and embracing my cracks. I’m broken because I’m capable of loving. My broken pieces build a beautiful constellation in my universe.
I’m healing and shining quietly. I’m not limited by my mistakes or “brokenness.”
Well, there are days that I’m longing for another soul that I can share my universe with. Another being made of moon dust and constellations. Another soul that I can connect with.
I was born alone and maybe born to be alone. However, I pray not to stay alone in this lifetime. I long to create soul level intimacy with someone. I never imagine that I’ll pray and ask God for a man that I can be with through my journey. A man that I can share my love. I realized that I’m full of love and I’m capable of sharing that love.
I pray to God for that man that sometimes it hurts. Because I’m not sure if it’s part of God’s plan for me.
I’m praying for my career, family, friends, wisdom, and decisions in life. It’s funny that I’m also praying hard for my romantic love. Because I can handle the pain and adversity of other aspects of my life. But, when it comes to love, I pray that its serene, grounded, sure, clear, rooted, and pure.
Oh well, I’m being sentimental because I’m browsing through my social media and I came across with memes. I find it really funny that I hope to have someone I can share it with 🤣
I hope he will respect and appreciate my humour, too. Right?
Taking unfamiliar country road is a leap of faith. I have no idea where this road will take me but I’m moving forward anyway.
I’ve been taking unpave road since then. It’s difficult and scary. However, I’m not stopping. At this point of my life, I’m no longer bothered about restarting my life or not knowing everything. I don’t mind if I have no idea about something.
What matters is I’m enjoying the process and being at the moment. I don’t want to miss the moment worrying about the future or dwelling in the past. I just want to be present. Be here.
I’m restarting and reconstructing my life according to the person that I’m praying to be. It’s a painful and challenging journey but it’s all worth it.
I’m far from becoming but I’m always working on being the best version of myself. I will fail. I will alway fail. But, I will also learn. I will always learn.
Everyday, I have a chance to restart and redeem myself. I’m not failing or falling behind. I’m just being myself.
If I could put in a picture how I see my future, the above image is the best representation.
I completely have no idea what lies ahead of me. However, I’m choosing to move forward. Despite the darkness that lies ahead of me. I’m grateful with the flickers of lights along my way.
The light may not be the brightest but it gives me small light of hope. That glimmers of light when gather together will create a massive beauty of light that is enough to light my universe.
Despite the darkness ahead of me, I’m grateful for the small light that silently cheers me up as I navigate in life. God definitely has His way of reminding me that He’s always there. That He is with me since forever.
I moved in a new city. It feels unfamiliar and unsure. I can’t see the beginning or the ending. I feel like I’m in the middle of nowhere and I have no idea where to begin.
I think there’s also beauty in not knowing what will happen.
For now, I’ll give myself a tap on my shoulder.
“Very well my dear self. You’re braving the unknown.”
There’s a hint of sadness in my chest and a hope. A hope that this would be my true north so I can navigate where I truly belong. A sadness because I don’t want to find myself picking all the pieces again.
“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”
Love is the most precious thing that we could ever feel and give. A beautiful feeling that we can give to ourselves and to others.
When I was young I never truly realized the importance of love. I never realized that it is actually love that sustains me. Love from God, my grandmother, family, friends, and other beautiful souls that share their love to me without hesitation. Also, I realized that self-love is important. I’ve been too hard to myself. Thankfully, I learn to be gentle and kinder to myself. Giving myself a space to grow, commit mistakes, and live life as it is. Hmm, of course, I’m still a work in progress. It’s a lifetime progress and learning.
I’ve witnessed love in different forms. See different people falling in love and falling out of love. I’ve watched different romantic movies with happy endings and some with not so happy endings. The thing is they are all experiencing love in different intensity. Expressing love in different languages.
As for me, I always wonder if I’m capable of loving another soul. Before I never thought of having another soul in my life. I never thought to be intimate with another soul or be romantically link with them. But, I’m now being more open.
I hope to share my love and receive love in return. I hope to experience a kind of love that makes me feel grounded and rooted.
A love that will never gets tired. A love that is ordinary but can do extraordinary actions. To lovingly embrace another soul despite rough edges. A love that is gentle. A love that can be feel even in silence.
A love that is pure and raw.
A love that is real and honest.
A love that is centered in God.
I’m not sure if I’ll be able to love someone deeply. All I know is I want to share my love and express love holistically.
As I wait for God’s timing to meet the man of my life, I’ll focus on loving and healing myself. I’ll focus on living my life.
P. S. Wherever you are I hope that you’re doing fine and living your life the way you want it to be. I pray that if we meet, we can recognize each other in this world full of strangers. I am here waiting for God’s timing for our love to fully realize. Let’s live our lives until our worlds finally collides. Until then… ✨
When we’re coming from a place of suffering, our faith is being challenged. It’s difficult to hold on our faith especially if we’re waiting most of our lives. The waiting period is hard.
I’m always excited for all the blessings that are store for me. Sometimes, I feel entitled for blessings. Because I feel like I suffered enough. So, I’m supposed to have my comfort now. However, things don’t work that way.
It’s all about God’s timing. It’s all about God’s time. His timing will always be the best time. It’s always be the right moment for things to happen.
I always want to make things happen and always skip to the good part. So, I feel agitated and impatient for God’s beautiful plans for me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m being forsaken. But, God never forsakes and never forgets His promises.
Since I’m being impatient, I do things that compromise God’s plans for me. This actions only result to more pains and disappointments on my end.
I think it’s more beautiful if I truly accept and face sufferings as it is. It’s best that I confront my worries and adversity squarely. Simply because God is with me. He’s guiding me as I journey towards His beautiful promise.
I think the reason why I feel stuck and running out of time is because I’m always comparing my timeline with others. This time, I have to refocus my lens on my timeline. Establish more my relationship with myself and to God. Strengthen my faith and pray more.
So, even if I’m in the place of sufferings I’ll be at peace. Because there is a good God that listens. Always reminding us that we have to trust His timing to have our precious breakthrough.
The beauty of being a human is that there’s a good God that is being patient with us. A God that loves us as who we are.
“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”
Dear 2021, thank you for coming in my life. Thank you for the time and days. Thank you for all the weeks and months.
Thank you for giving us a year full of twists and turns. You’re such a year and you made me discover parts of me that I never thought I have. You made me discover strengths that I never thought I have.
I can’t truly say that I grow as an individual but I know that my faith to God grows more.
This year, I feel vulnerable more than ever. But, through God’s grace, I’m able to live each day. I’m able to see glimmers of hope and miracles.
I feel dispirited and discouraged. However, God has way of reassuring me and sustaining me.
So, here I am! I’m still here. I’m still alive. I’m still dreaming and praying.
I am here figuring and accepting my life as it is. But, I’m not settling for less.
Thank you, 2021. You made me vulnerable and you made me humble.
Thank you, 2021. Because you made me realize that there’s a good God that is writing our beautiful story.
I can’t fully understand God’s way or fully explain the beauty of faith. There’s mystery in faith and in God’s grace. Only our hearts can feel it.
Thank you, 2021. Because I stopped relying on my own understanding. I learn to ask for God’s providence. I’m not alone.
I will not face 2022 alone. Not anymore. Because I’m now walking with the Lord.