Page 365 of 365. We have reached the last page of current year. This journey became a roller-coaster ride for me. It just that, it has plenty of going down and sudden fall.
I cried a lot this year. From page 1, my heart was full of fear and pressure. I’m terrified to start the year because it’s the beginning of adulting life. It’s the period of seeking of career that would help me grow personally and professionally.
I struggle and drowned. I can’t breathe from all the waves of emotions that I been through. I’m barely living because I’m just surviving. I tried to swim and hold into small hopes that appear.
2019 scathed and whipped me. My fortress fell and crumbled. Little things made me bleed and wounded.
I tried. I tried despite of the weariness of soul. My heart and mind was exhausted but it’s my soul that became lost. I lost all my hopes and dreams. I became afraid of the light because I became used to darkness. Sadness filled the void in me and closed my heart to happiness because I’m afraid. Afraid that it won’t last.
I screamed but no one heard me. This year, I craved for help and deep understanding but I failed to find. This is the year that I silently stood for myself and cover my wounds with smile.
I felt like, I’m not allowed to feel weak that I must endure, endure, and endure. But, I’m too much familiar with myself. I know that there’s something wrong. With great sorrow, I barely live but I still chose to continue.
It’s hard to me and to everyone. We fought silent battles and won silently. Let’s gave ourselves a commendation for staying and reaching this point of life.
2019 is not just a year of pain, confusion, and failure. Because for me, this is also the year wherein I developed resilience, self-compassion, and self-respect. This is the greatest gift that we could give to ourselves.
2019 is also the year of growth and progress.
2019, thank you. 2020, I am now ready to welcome you.
2020, I’m now willing to accept the challenges and blessings.
Dear God, thank you for this life ✨