Everyday is a battle for me that I needed to won. I always struggle to continue with my life. I’m exhausted and I want to end everything. Each day, I simply breath and not living anymore. This is the storm that will never end. It will be always within me. This is the kind of battle that is not visible to the naked eyes. As for them, I’m doing just fine. But, being okay is only superficial for me. That’s far from my current reality. Inasmuch, I’m not okay at all.
Verily, I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to feel this. I’m doing my best to deal with it but as I struggle I’m also living with this sadness of mine. The whirling of my feelings make me fall deeply with the blackhole. Wherein darkness is my only companion. I want to get out from this endless blackness but ironically, it became my safe haven. I became afraid of the light, for it reveals my ugly reality. It’s awful seeing how grotesque my truth is.
For no one will see the unaesthetic reality of my being, cause if they envision it they will run out of fear. No one will love and accept my repugnant truth. I’m too broken to be fixed. Sadly, as much as I want to be fix, no one understands my agony. For them, it was just an ordinary phenomenon. I can’y force them to help me as what I’m doing, forcing myself to survive. To atleast, give life another chance to win.