Dear Diary: Entry 12; Without Context

This is me, writing with no idea what will I going to write.

These past few days, I feel nothing. I have a lot in mind but it seems like I have no energy to put all of it in words.

Sometimes, I feel like drowning with my own thoughts. It’s exhausting and I want to simply shut my senses.

Pain. That’s what I am feeling. But, I don’t where it is all coming from.

The depth of my being is still a mystery to me. Moments that I feel bad for being me but there are moments that I am the proudest because I am myself.

Being who I am is a battle and a process. It costs me pain and truth. Because in pursuit of my genuine self, i must cut ties and burn bridges. But, how can I let go the people and memories that kept me sane and happy? I keep on holding unto them because i believe that is the only beautiful things that ever happened to me.

Then, i saw myself. I’m drifting from my core just to fit in. Deep within, i know i will never fit in the conventional way and social construct. There is feeling within that longs for depth and meaning.

Mediocrity won’t convince and please me. Shallow things seems futile. Could it be the reason why I feel sad?

Is it possible to feel suck and done with the mediocrity of this lifetime?

I want to find meaning and purpose in everything.

I want to rise from this blackhole of uncertainty. No, i want my light to shine in this darkness.

Will I able to ignite the light within me and heal my sadness?

Published by She Writes

She's a dreamer. Hopes to be lost in oblivion but the truth is, she just wants to be seen and heard. In quest within and lover of life. This, too, shall pass so I will keep going ; I still don't know. I'll rest for the mean time.

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