How can I possibly make my life worthwhile? This whole pattern of my life bores me and I don’t have the slightest idea on how will I feel alive again.
Everyday feels the same. I wake up, eat, and sleep again. I can’t feel the in between of life. The same flow of my life causes me to think about the purpose of my existence.
Why do I exist? I wanted to know the meaning of my existence in this world. Right now, I feel like I’m in the middle of the sea of unfamiliarity. I keep on sailing and yet, I have no idea where am I going.
This whole scenario of my life exhaust me to death. It seems like my existence is meaningless. My choices lead me to doubt and confusion.
Why do I need to go with the whole pattern of my life when I will just die one day? I know, it sounds morbid but I’m drained doing the same thing.
What am I suppose to do with my life? I asked already myself. Countless of times but I always find myself in the same loop. I feel like I’m a hamster in a wheel, I keep on running but I can’t get myself out.
How am I suppose to live the in between of my birth and death?
What is the point of reaching and pursuing all of my dreams? What will be the meaning and importance if I achieve material success? Or What’s the essence if I achieve all of my dreams? Everything feels oblivious and vague again. I’m in the middle of questioning everything about my life. I can’t see the meaning and purpose of everything that I am doing. Who cares if I fail? This whole thing are designed by the society. We are following social construct that defines what is acceptable and unacceptable. Removing all the demand of the society and expectations from other people, who really am I? What will be the meaning of my being in this lifetime?
My life is a result of my choices. Choices that were shaped and influenced by my environment. But, without everything, will I be able to determine my purpose? The purpose that will makes my soul genuinely happy?
It’s a long way to go. I’m in this search. Pursuit of purpose. Where must I look? What am I truly seeking?