My 2 AM MUSINGS

My mind is awake and my thoughts are active.

Credits to the owner of this photo. Source: Pinterest

I don’t know where to start. I have plenty of things in mind but now, I can’t find a way to compose it.

First, I would like to commend myself for everything. My decisions, failures, and learnings in life. All the wrong turns in my life gave me immense knowledge and wisdom in life and yet, I never learn. I’m still bound to commit mistakes and yet, I am not discourage to try again.

Yes, I break easily but I can still continue despite of fragments. I easily feel down but there’s no way I stop.

I’m still in the phase of adjusting and pursuing my truth. Still struggling to lead the life I want without worrying and not listening to others demand. The pressure is there, from my family and society’s expectations on how I should live my life.

It’s difficult to be 22 years old because they expect me to be settled by this age. Since I finished college, I must have a stable job, salary, and I must give back to them. But, it is not easy. Because I’m still finding what I truly want. I can’t settle myself to a job that is not valuing me as a human and at the same time even though I found a good workplace and people, there’s still missing in me.

Part of me longs for something. Questioning my capacity and qualifications. Insecurities and doubts swarming in my mind. Running in the race of others because I’m pressured to have a steady life and following other people’s timeline because I’m suppose to be “successful”.

But, I don’t want this kind of life. I want to take my own path and disregard the demands of others.

Someone says, what is the use of studying hard or finishing a degree when your unemployed.

I was stunned by this. Hearing this from one of your family is definitely had weight and impact.

I just don’t understand. Pandemic is happening in the world and I’m unemployed. Is it necessary to have that kind of remarks?

I was hurt and I’ll remember that words. I know that my turn will come and be proud of myself.

Pleasing others will do no good. I must live for myself and find my way in this life.

I’m keeping my faith, heart, and dreams on my sleeves.

For the mean time, I will endure a little bit more and maintain my inner peace ✨

Published by She Writes

She's a dreamer. Hopes to be lost in oblivion but the truth is, she just wants to be seen and heard. In quest within and lover of life. This, too, shall pass so I will keep going ; I still don't know. I'll rest for the mean time.

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