Do you ever wonder why?
I was taken aback with the canon of your words.
Its like a bomb that shaken me and I was caught in the middle of cold war.
Is it my self-righteousness? Do I become eccentric not to see your pain?
I told to myself to never remunerate it. I must stop playing it again and again.
Wondering if there will be another outcome and yet, I know I will always choose the same.
I will feel the same. I will feel hurt the same.
Yes, I’m disappointed countless of times. But, I never give up. I choose to understand and see the bigger picture. For someone who feels too much and hurt easily, I set aside my personal feelings just to understand you better because that is how it is supposed to be.
I distance myself but I never stop thinking of you. Everyday I’m grateful for having you in my life. I thought you were still there when I’m ready to return.
But, you departed and left already.
You told me, that you’re exhausted and don’t know what you want with me anymore.
There. That’s it.
I did my best to understand you better and yet, you’re the one who never read my letters. You’re the one who is always unaware on what you make me feel. That when I try doing how you treat me, you gave up easily and reproach me for not understanding you at all.
I’m hoping that you will learn and understand my point but you never get it.
Do you really understand me at all?
I always feel guilty for feeling all of these but I know that I’m doing my self a favor.
I appreciate all the little and big things you’ve done and at the same time you never noticed that little things that made me feel hurt. Yes, it is not your responsibility to be emotionally available all the time. I get it.
The reasons may seems lame but its fatal.
Yes, I’m the one who feel too much and make things worse but I will not invalidate what I feel anymore.
Yes, we are connected but not deep enough to understand fully. We are not on the same page when it comes to emotional level.
I’m forever grateful to you for all the new things and good memories.
The thing is, I asked God, that if we will never go back the same, I asked Him to help me accept whatever the outcome will be. Of course, it still pains me and I shed tears but this is for the best. It makes me sad to see someone I cherish to go but this is for the greater good.
Fly high and be happy.
I will now go on and so are you.