Forever Twenty-Two: Musings

I’m comprised of my life’s experiences. I’m a museum of my choices and home of all my age.

I’m in this journey called life. As I go along, I learned things and I realized plenty of lessons that I hope to share with others. Being twenty-two in this lifetime is quite challenging and full of twist and turns.

There’s a lot to experience and I’m in the process of discovering bits of beauty of life.

Here’s my musings as twenty-two years old.

1. It’s okay to be me.

I choose to celebrate myself.

Even if my insecurities and fears are loud, I can still choose to be me. I can choose to celebrate my flaws and imperfections. When the society’s demand is loud and requires me to be someone I’m not, I can choose to be me. I’m learning and making peace with who I am.

2. I have a choice.

I’m getting there.

I always blame the circumstances. This is happening because life is unfair to me. It is. Life is difficult too. That’s the reality. But, I have a choice. I can choose to pity myself or I can choose to move forward. After all, I’m in this very situation because of the choices I made. My victim mentality won’t do anything good to me. I can gain sympathy from others but I will never learn. I will be forever stuck and never see the bigger picture. So, I decided to change the narrative and change my frame of reference. Although, I still struggle from time to time but I’m getting there.

3. Healing is a process.

I learned to be gentle with myself.

I’m in the process of healing my wounds. I acknowledge my pain and self-destructive ways. Negative thoughts can be addictive. I became used to hold on my sadness and wounds because I’m afraid to let it go. I’m afraid that if I let it go, I will never be the same. I used it as an excuse.

“I’m wounded so be gentle with me”,

“I’ve been through a lot, so I should be blessed” and blah blah blah.

I’m not good all the time. I hurt people and I hurt myself the most. So, I’m trying to heal and choose to be the best version of myself. I’m in the healing process and I’m the one who needs to be gentle to myself.

4. It is not always about me.

I learned that it is not always about me.

I always thought that I’m in the center of everything. That everything is all about me. I tend to feel bad when people called me out. I feel like people always attack me. I struggle to differentiate constructive and destructive criticism. When life points out my mistakes, I thought its always a personal attack. I repulse others help because I can be on my own. I can do it alone. But, sometimes it is okay to seek for help.

5. I learned to protect my energy.

I learned not to engage myself too much.

The thing is, I always have a say in everything. I’m an opinionated individual. I always think and I always reflect. I love to share my thoughts and realizations to everyone. Sometimes, I give unsolicited advise and I felt bad when people was so repulsive with my encouragements and realizations. I always be like, “Why can’t they see the bigger picture?” I’m doing it because I want to help and I understand the struggle. I aim to be someone I needed as an individual that is why I always share my inspirations and thoughts. I want to help others. Then, I realized that the reason why they repel it is because they are not yet ready to listen. So, I’m practicing to limit engaging myself too much. After all, I can never help someone when they don’t want to help themselves.

6. It is okay to if I’m I don’t figure out everything, yet.

I learned to pause.

I realize that I’m always in a hurry. I always want to get things done. Well, there’s nothing wrong about finishing things early but when it comes to life, it can be quite frustrating. I’m in a hurry to reach all of my dreams. I’m in a hurry to be successful. I’m in a hurry to be a better version of myself. I’m in a hurry to be in a place I always hope and pray for. But, hurrying prevents me from enjoying my journey. I easily get disappointed when I fail because I thought I will never arrive on my destination because of setbacks. I want my life to be figured out that I ended up running in someone’s race and even follow other’s timeline. I learn to pause. Alrighty self, keep breathing. Be present. Be mindful of every steps. I’ll arrive eventually and life will figure itself.

7. I learned to always have a grateful heart

I learned to be more appreciative.

When I started to practice gratitude, I feel like I became more appreciative for everything in my life. Even if I’m facing difficult situations, yes I still feel bad and feel the emotions but it is not that heavy at all. Cultivating gratefulness helps me to broaden my perspective because I’m not focusing anymore on the single dot. Well, my emotions still overwhelms me but I don’t dwell with it too much. I allow myself to feel the bad and the good. Practicing gratitude feels good.

8. It is okay to begin again.

I’m trusting the process.

I failed so many times. But, I’m surprised because it never stopped be from trying again. I even quit.I realized that quitting doesn’t always mean losing. Sometimes, it is a victory in disguise. When I realized my worth and value I find it hard to compromise in a situation that violates and disrupts my peace. I realize that sometimes, I really need to let go something that I value in order to discover something more valuable. I’m starting all over again and I’m trusting the process.

There are still a lot of things that I don’t understand in my life. More lessons to learn. This journey of mine is a long way to go but I’ll get there. More adventures and challenges to face. More chances to take. Failures and disappointments but the result will be enormous. I think our life’s journey is the most beautiful journey we could ever take. So far, I’m enjoying and I’m grateful with my life. I hope to touch other people’s heart as well with my words.

Life unfolds each day and I’m looking forward for more discoveries.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”

Lao Tzu

Published by She Writes

She's a dreamer. Hopes to be lost in oblivion but the truth is, she just wants to be seen and heard. In quest within and lover of life. This, too, shall pass so I will keep going ; I still don't know. I'll rest for the mean time.

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