Thoughts at 3 AM

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old-
Franz Kafka

The world is asleep and here I am, awake.

I seek comfort in the memories of my youth. I’m full of hopes and I believe in the beauty of life. I have simple mindset and I’m simply eager to see life. I know that I must not dwell in the past but there’s something comforting about my childhood hopes and dreams. It was pure and love. I have good and pure intention. My heart is soft and brave.

Then, I wonder what happened to me. Did I lose that part of me? Did I lose my young heart and dream?

At some point in my life, I perceive the world in black and white. I lived with dark clouds above me and I’m soaked in the rain. I stopped believing in the beauty of life and I started questioning everything in my life. When life throws me heavy punches I became terrified and exhausted. I feel like I’m merely surviving that I forgot to live. I’m too focus fighting for my place and dream. I lost the essense of my life and despair my existence. I feel the pressure of keeping up with the societal norms and standards. I stopped living instead I’m pleasing the society to meet its demand.

But, I know that my childlike heart is still in me. I did not lose myself. I’m still here. Fear just shadows and hid my real heart. My fears simply hinders me to live as myself. My heart is still soft and brave.

It’s okay if I experience black and white, it is both part of color spectrum.

Now, I rest my worries and fears.

I’ll go back to sleep and embrace the peace in my heart.

I’ll return to sleep knowing that a beautiful morning awaits.

Published by She Writes

She's a dreamer. Hopes to be lost in oblivion but the truth is, she just wants to be seen and heard. In quest within and lover of life. This, too, shall pass so I will keep going ; I still don't know. I'll rest for the mean time.

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