I’m proud of my simple wins in life. Despite of the pain inflicted to me since I’m being conceive, growing up, and now; I can say that I’m healing. I know that at such a very young age, I’m aware of my reality and I carry that baggage. I cry easily and I break easily; people perceived that as being emotional and dramatic.
When in reality, I’m just in pain. I’m hurt and rejected.I was hoping for them to understand and reassured me that I am enough despite of my shortcomings; instead they rub salt on my wounds and makes me feel less.
There’s a hole in my heart and I don’t fully understand the heaviness of my reality. Yes, I’m aware but I never thought that it will leave a scar in my soul.
I’m still healing from the pain that was inflicted by others and the pain that I caused to myself because I believe them. I thought their judgement and criticism is my reality. I was wrong and I forgive myself.
I also forgive them to make peace with myself. It’s hard but I learn to love my imperfections and pains.
What saddens me was the idea that I was young then and I’ve got to act mature to have courage to face the pain that was caused by adults.
It is scary because my heart feels heavy and empty and yet, no one explains it to me. I’m all alone, trying to figure out what I’m feeling. Trying to deal why I’m feeling less and why at such a young age my heart is in pain.
Instead of warmth and understanding, I’ve got painful words that pierced my child heart.
Yet, I’m smiling and enjoy my youth. I also screamed and cried loudly to tell them I’m in pain but I only got more pain. It was not okay but I thought it was.
I’m still healing and letting go the pain of my childhood.
I’m embracing the joy and peace. I still stumble and manifest the ways of my environment; It’s okay. I’m a work in progress.
Despite of my shortcomings, I’m enough and I’m valuable.
I’m proud of myself for choosing to still be soft despite of the hardship of life.
I’m really doing my best to be the person that I needed when I was a little girl.
I encounter defeat and failure but I know that I’m winning. I’ll make all of the versions of myself proud. Because all of my fights and sacrifices are all worth it.