Figuring Out My Life at 23

How to be alive?

When I was young, I thought that at 23,I’m able to figure out “EVERYTHING” in my life.

By this age, I have a stable career and I’m in pursuit of my passion. At 23, I’m living in accordance with my purpose.

You see, I’m so worked up finding my purpose and doing things that I’m passionate about. I thought that I should live with purpose and passion that I forgot how to feel alive; how to live life and be present.

At this point of my life, I’m wondering how far I’ve become. Assessing my life, I’m far from my dreams but I believed that I’ve come so far. Still, I’m a victor despite my circumstances. I’ve had my experiences of being alive and being a human.

Adversity and pain humbles me and reminds me that to be human, it’s okay to be vulnerable. I think I have an issue with vulnerability. I created walls and fortresses to protect myself and to be seen as vulnerable. I had this urge to always fight and be strong because in that manner, no one will see me as weak. I always hate feeling vulnerable because I’m afraid to see myself in a worst state. I feel like acknowledging my weakness means surrendering and being a failure. I hate losing.

But, as I continue to figure out myself and my dynamics as human. I learned that, it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to experience defeat and failure. It’s okay to surrender. It’s okay to let my guard down. It’s okay if I choose not to fight.

Because accepting all the things that makes me feel weak and vulnerable is strength.

Yes, at 23, I’m still struggling to figure out life and find my path. I’ve come so far and reach this point because this is how life is supposed to be.

I guess, I’m letting go of my pursuit of my purpose and passion because I’m choosing life. I’m choosing to be present and simply be here at the moment.

I’m still learning how to fully let go, accept, forgive. I think this is the beauty of being a human.

Being lost at 23 and then later on being found. Life is supposed to live, not to be figured out, I guess.

I guess it’s about living life at 23.

– She Writes, 2021

Published by She Writes

She's a dreamer. Hopes to be lost in oblivion but the truth is, she just wants to be seen and heard. In quest within and lover of life. This, too, shall pass so I will keep going ; I still don't know. I'll rest for the mean time.

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