I have no idea. There’s a lot in my mind and yet, I don’t know how to deliberately transform my thoughts into words. My thoughts are trapped in my mind. Struggling to be free. My thoughts are overwhelming at times that it hijacks my state of mind. It creates havoc within me.
This internal pain destroys my spirit all at once. It happens simultaneously that I don’t have a chance to breathe. I’m drowning. As much as I wanted to remove myself from this situation, I’m drowning. I keep on falling in this endless pit. Just when I thought that I hit rock bottom, there’s still a bottomless pit. Never in my mind did I think that I can be drowning and falling at the same time.
Struggling in life and fighting internal battles. I never thought that I’m capable of such things. Two opposing forces that fight and consume my will of hope. Observing myself from afar gives me a sense of clarity. I’m afraid to fall and terrified to drown. Yet, I’m falling fast and drowning in my own ocean.
Allowing myself to follow the flow of life gives me freedom and relief. Yes, I’m falling and drowning but I can feel the transformation within me. I’m not sure. I feel like I’m in a cocoon. I’m turning into something. I hope to turn to something beautiful and humane. I don’t know why I’m even writing this.
I have no idea how I came up with this idea because all I know is I’m afraid. However, I find the courage to turn these insights into words. It feels like I’m falling but flying. I’m drowning and breathing. I guess, magic and miracles happen in-betweens. To give me wonderful capacity to be brave to choose to breathe and fly despite of falling and drowning.